Scott’s Journal:
May 11 [1826] --
"Der Abschiedstag ist da,
Schwer liegt er auf den
Herzen--schwer."
Charlotte was
unable to take leave of me, being in a sound sleep, after
a very
indifferent night. Perhaps it was as well. Emotion might have
hurt her; and
nothing I could have expressed would have been worth the
risk. I have
foreseen, for two years and more, that this menaced event
could not be
far distant. I have seen plainly, within the last two
months, that
recovery was hopeless. And yet to part with the companion
of twenty-nine
years when so very ill--that I did not, could not
foresee. It
withers my heart to think of it, and to recollect that
I can hardly
hope again to seek confidence and counsel from that ear to
which all might
be safely confided. But in her present lethargic state,
what would my
attentions have availed? and Anne has promised close and
constant
intelligence. I must dine with James Ballantyne to-day en
famille_. I
cannot help it; but would rather be at home and alone.
However, I can
go out too. I will not yield to the barren sense of
hopelessness
which struggles to invade me. I passed a pleasant day with
honest J.B.,
which was a great relief from the black dog which would
have worried me
at home. We were quite alone.
Scott was right.
The end was near. Wife Charlotte had
4 days left.
